Alumni Recognition, Tarsem Singh’s New Film, and the Return of Pedro Martinez

In what is certainly the worthiest story to appear before the jump, BOTO heartily congratulates Columbia’s hottest alumnus in the current news cycle for wooing the requisite number of delegates to secure the Democratic nomination to become the next President of the United States, making history by becoming the first African American nominee to head a major party ticket, delivering a poetic and captivating speech last night… the works. We say “the works” because Senator Barack Obama’s accomplishments should be considered “all in a day’s work” for a graduate of Columbia University. Let’s be honest: he has the likes of Alexander Hamilton, First Chief Justice of the United States John Jay, and President of Estonia Toomas Hendrik Ilves to live up to. Contrast this legacy with the likes of Wellesley and Yale Law School, and BOTO will go the route of Mr. Obama: we will officially refrain from aiming ad hominem attacks against another candidate (or, as of today, former candidate) or other institutions, respectful in our knowledge that ours are far superior. Now onto the United States Naval Academy and the Republican Attack Machine…

You’ll notice that BOTO is conveniently choosing to ignore Senator Obama’s Harvard Law education for the purposes of this post. Devon would probably have you know that the Illinois senator is a Punahou School alum, though. Furthermore, and in all seriousness, BOTO respects Senators Clinton, McCain, and Obama immensely, and urges its readership to vote in the general election on November 4, 2008 and refrain from purchasing the hoodie depicted in the graphic.

A review of what may be the year’s most visually stunning and well-crafted film, as well as a breakdown of the highlights and low points of yesterday’s game at AT&T Park, after the jump:

Annual Funeral for Research Universities and Thong Etiquette for Baseball Players

The second, newest half of the BOTO team is outraged.  In the midst of her mourning stage, she couldn’t help but remark that New York’s leading newspapers have failed to commemorate the apparent death of her beloved university in the form of an obituary.  After all, BOTO can only assume that Columbia is no longer with us:  too few students traverse the stones of College Walk, Bwog has resorted to reporting false alarms of Columbia College’s insidious photoshopping exploits, and BOTO insiders cannot seem to recall any protests on campus within a fortnight’s time.  Since commencement, the eerie lack of sentient beings within this institution’s walls have led our resident redhead to conclude that Columbia is in a better place now.  Granted, a handful of the few students remaining to commiserate during these difficult times assure us that this happens every year, as part of a cycle.  We here at BOTO know better, recognizing these soothing words as the euphemism that they are and resolving to persevere with fortitude and grace.  In the meantime, we encourage our readership to write letters of protest to their local newspapers, in the spirit of our alma mater, requesting that they honor Columbia in this dark hour.

Comfort in the form of a gold thong after the jump:

Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave…

Columbia’s student government seems to have suddenly gone “all Kenneth Starr up in this” lately, as impeachment proceedings have sprouted up across the board in recent weeks. Join us on our tour of Columbia’s dysfunctional student governments as we travel from the depths of the School of Engineering and Applied Science to the lofty heights of General Studies, all after the jump: