Well, it just so happens that Mr. Deck stumbled upon our humble blog to correct us on a fine point: it appears that Dartmouth´s notorious frat culture did not, in fact, contribute to his willingness to correct storeowners on the suitability of their signage. BOTO regrets the error, and as such would like to make Mr. Deck our BOTO Pick in the category of “Greatest Protector of the English Language”. The honor is ours, Jeff.

Devon demonstrates that you cannot, in fact, build a fence to keep the Mexicans out of Hawaii, after the jump:

Recently, it seems, everybody from the average blue-collar worker to the average secretly-perverted television pundit is concerned about illegal immigrants hijacking the American workforce. Indeed, despite several drastic steps that have been undertaken by the more suspicious (ahem, vigilant, rather) sectors of the American public to combat this virtual economic influenza, fears of an imminent pandemic of brown people who work harder, longer, and for less pay and benefits continue to plague the public’s consciousness. Thankfully, those living in states away from this 700-mile border battleground haven’t had to witness firsthand the devastation wrought by these vicious, brutal, fiercely impoverished migrant workers; after all, those 690,000 Canadian illegals will only take our jobs if we’re working in the funny-accent or hockey industries, right? And so, we thought, any American north, east, or west of the newly-dubbed “battle belt” was safe. Safe, that is, until now.

Honolulu City Councilman Rod Tam recently spoke out against what he perceived to be a potential crisis with undocumented Mexican workers taking over the labor jobs for the construction of a planned University of Hawaii campus in West Oahu. His oh-so-elegant words follow:

They got to be skilled licensed workers. We don’t want any wetbacks basically. We have been having contractors, developers bringing in wetbacks from New Mexico… from Mexico, I’m sorry.

That’s right: anybody seeking to do construction work for this future Penn (State?) of the Pacific must be (a) licensed and (b) not a wetback. If you are (a) an unlicensed worker and/or (b) a wetback, please do not apply for the job; you’ll probably have better odds finding a job with Mitt Romney’s landscapers. Not being from New Mexico will probably also help to avoid any confusion.

Councilman Tam quickly apologized after receiving numerous letters of objection from Hawaii’s hispanic community (yeah, BOTO didn’t know they were there, either), stating that he didn’t know the meaning of the slur and had first heard it in a 1950s Rodgers and Hammerstein (Columbia ’21 and ’16, respectively) musical called Flower Drum Song (you can’t make this stuff up). You can’t really blame him; he’s probably never seen a Hispanic person before or been remotely close to the “battle belt,” and as such wouldn’t know how to subtly mask his racism like the politicians on the mainland have so sophisticatedly learned to do.

News of the Councilman’s use of the slur has quickly spread far beyond Hawaiian politics, and has even made appearances on prominent progressive online community Democratic Underground. And there’s the obviously necessary “Google test,” which confirms that any online search for “Hawaii+wetback” leads straight to Rod Tam. The crazies all came out of the woodwork, too, most of them claiming that “wetbacks don’t belong in America” and that calling somebody “ignorant” is just as offensive as calling them a wetback (thank you, Ken Chang of Kaneohe).

Just another beautiful day in paradise, right?

Cheers, readership. Keep coming here to read our drivel, and not just because you’re Googling “redhead in gold thong“ (we’re totally not joking, BOTO monitors all search engine referrals to the site).

BOTO Pick for Most Awkward Encounter and general impressions of a summer in the city await after the jump:

BOTO‘s Pick for Most Awkward Encounter involves a young blogger and her gentleman lover, who, as our story unfolds, were drifting in and out of consciousness in various states of (un)dress. Who should happen by but a bemused, rather intoxicated young stranger, convinced that he’s stumbled upon his own room? In a fit of gallantry, chivalry, and near-nudity, our Quaker Bouncer (the gentleman lover) negotiated with the vagabond, convincing him that the room upon which he had stumbled (and inside which he had dumped his belongings on the desk) was not, in fact, his. The argument, which came close to regressing into an “Is not! Is too!” tennis match, culminated when our visitor discerned the difference between the numbers “1101″ and “1401.” Moral of the story? Lock your doors. Nicole must qualify Clipse’s articulate wisdom: keys don’t open all doors. Please note that the image to the left represents the results of a Google image search for “awkward encounter.”

Nicole only wishes she could benefit from the wonders of CU Housing Security for the rest of her days. For those who cannot, one’s instincts become infinitely more vital. If you take one entry on BOTO seriously, it should be this one. Nicole wouldn’t dream of equating this poor woman’s experience with her own, but similar safety tips apply in both scenarios. This half of BOTO is often mocked for the motherly tendencies she exhibits here by urging you to browse through the safety advice provided in the linked webpage, but she loves her readership too much to let this opportunity slip through her concerned fingers. Constant vigilance, I say!

And now for some general impressions of New York from the weekend. With an entire summer to reacquaint herself with the city she loves, Nicole has chosen to begin her exploration at a leisurely pace. A visit to The American Museum of Natural History was long overdue, and the promise of air conditioning was a fine way to escape the aforementioned heat. This museum is remarkable because its exhibits are so memorable. Without having been there for years, the redheaded half of BOTO immediately and viscerally recognized the towering apatosaurus fossils in the lobby, the enormous blue whale in the Milstein Hall of Ocean Life, and the Heilbrunn Cosmic Pathway in the Hayden Planetarium at the Rose Center for Earth and Space. There’s something about gazing up at non-sentient beings several times your size and walking along a timeline of which the span of human history constitutes a few inches that sticks with you.

Also on the unofficial list was Greenwich Village, which provided much-needed therapy after the death of Nicole and Devon’s alma mater. Anything a restless college student could want to experience is here for the taking. For historical sites, or places generally representative of the once-bohemian Village aesthetic, you have the Oscar Wilde Bookshop, the Stonewall Inn, and the ever-bustling Washington Square Park, the latter of which is located in the heart of New York University‘s “campus.” (As you can tell, this college student also enjoys keeping tabs on rival schools.) If you’re looking for food, you can find plenty of cheap restaurants that almost never sleep (Mamoun’s Falafel is a particular favorite), tons of fancy alternatives to Starbucks, and divinely frosted cupcakes. To this half of BOTO, Greenwich Village is a bustling microcosm of a metropolis that is remarkable for having changed vastly in the past 50 years (largely due to soaring rent prices in the neighborhood) while maintaining its reputation as a haven for artistic inclination and “live-and-let-live” viewpoints. Also, it’s good to get out of Morningside Heights every so often.

Having hit the maximum word count, Nicole will stand aside for the evening and review either the Mets’ recent performances or the bad-assery of the Iron Man movie when next she updates.

The best game of the season, an analysis of Giambi’s thong-wearing effectiveness, and a huge Red Sox brawl, all after the jump:

The game itself was both exhausting and hugely exciting, as evidenced by its convoluted box score and nearly four hours of playing time. Jorge Posada, the Yankees’ starting catcher, returned to his spot behind the batter’s box to a standing ovation from the Yankee Stadium crowd after more than a month on the disabled list. Posada’s addition to the batting order completes the original lineup that the Yankees began the season with before being heavily depleted by injuries.

Chien-Ming Wang, the Yankee ace pitcher, failed again to break out of his rough patch, and has not had a decision in three starts (nor a win in six). He and relief pitchers Ross Ohlendorf, LaTroy Hawkins, Jose Veras, and Kyle Farnsworth were not received well by the crowd, with Wang and Farnsworth drawing raucous booing for their struggles on the mound.

Other highlights from the game include:

• Extremely aggressive tag-ups by Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon from third base, both of whom scored by roughly knocking the ball from Toronto catcher Rod Barajas while sliding into home plate.
• Both teams combining for three double plays, the best of which was executed by the Yankees via Betemit (1B) to Jeter (SS) to Veras (P). That’s right: a 3-6-1, which is extremely uncommon.
• Shelley Duncan pinch-running for Posada, to be replaced at the next half-inning with Jose Molina behind the plate.
• Brad Wilkerson, as a defensive replacement in right field, reaching up at the wall to rob Johnny Damon of a go-ahead, three-run homer in the 8th.
• Alex Rodriguez and Hideki Matsui somehow lining singles through the Blue Jay infield in the bottom of the ninth to bring the game to 8-7 with the tying run on first.

But here’s what makes it all so beautiful is that desperate moment with hope running out as Jason Giambi sent a towering, triumphant blast into the upper deck above right field. Giambi, rounding the bases, arrived at home plate to find the entire Yankee dugout waiting for him gathered around the batter’s box, enclosing him as, with a euphoric leap, he landed on the base to officially end the game. And as he walked with his exuberant teammates back to the locker room, Jason Giambi lifted his batting helmet to the Yankee Stadium crowd that had previously booed him so many times in what must have been his first curtain call in years.

All of this against what is currently the best pitching staff, both starting and relieving, in Major League Baseball. And while the Yankees are still floundering around both the .500 mark and the bottom of the division, on this bright blue afternoon, Yankee Stadium’s ghosts showed up once again for a majestic, logic-defying victory that literally brought tears to this fan’s eyes as he watched the live broadcast from his laptop in Buenos Aires.

Also: Jason Giambi is not one of BOTO‘s favorite players, due to the fact that he is an average defensive player at best and has several frustrating batting habits, not the least of which is striking out. However, for a power hitter in what may be the twilight of his career, Giambi still occasionally shells out nice pieces of hitting, particularly over the last month; that’s right, Giambi has batted superbly since the thong story broke three weeks ago, and is now hitting a respectable (for a slugger) .258 on the season.

So has the public revelation of his underwear secrets marked a turning point for Jason Giambi? Does his clutch hitting against Toronto signal a revitalization for the Yankees, particularly with the original lineup back? Only time will tell, but perhaps it’s okay after all for those who are neither supermodels nor Democratic presidential nominees (woo hoo!) to wear golden thongs every once and a while.

Finally, a lovely, juicy brawl between the Rays and the Red Sox last night, including what looks like most of the Tampa Bay defense decking Red Sox outfielder Coco Crisp after the latter charged the mound; unfortunately, the Red Sox won, but apparently later in the game Manny Ramirez had to be separated in the dugout from his own teammate Kevin Youkilis after the two entered a shouting match in Spanish.

So, with the second-to-last-place Yankees looking like winners and the division-leading Rays and Red Sox both looking like ten-year-olds (in front of a predictably enthusiastic and cheering Boston crowd), this half of BOTO bids you farewell, until he returns to you mid-weekend upon returning to the States. He promises not to let Nicole continue her undiluted stream of Mets commentary.

You’ll notice that BOTO is conveniently choosing to ignore Senator Obama’s Harvard Law education for the purposes of this post. Devon would probably have you know that the Illinois senator is a Punahou School alum, though. Furthermore, and in all seriousness, BOTO respects Senators Clinton, McCain, and Obama immensely, and urges its readership to vote in the general election on November 4, 2008 and refrain from purchasing the hoodie depicted in the graphic.

A review of what may be the year’s most visually stunning and well-crafted film, as well as a breakdown of the highlights and low points of yesterday’s game at AT&T Park, after the jump:

Nicole would like to begin her gushing review of Tarsem Singh‘s new film, The Fall, by reminding the readership that, unlike her co-writer, she is not a potential film major; with this in mind, do not expect any highfalutin film jargon from this humble take on the movie. All the same, with a screenplay that took Dan Gilroy, Nico Soultanakis, and Tarsem Singh 14 years to write, Nicole had relatively high expectations for this film, expectations that were promptly blown out of the proverbial water of her imagination. The first aspect of the film that stood out was the cinematography: filmed on location in 18 countries, the vibrant colors and sweeping landscapes succeeded in capturing the respective individualized drudgery and grandeur of a 1915 Los Angeles hospital and an array of landscapes, from India to South Africa. Without revealing essential plot elements, Nicole will merely move on to say that Catinca Untaru, who plays the film’s five-year-old patient, and Lee Pace, who portrays the suicidal man she befriends, deserve myriad awards for their acting abilities. The film industry would do well to make up awards to give these actors, although that shouldn’t be necessary. Add to these efforts the deft incorporation of symbolic elements (from the more obvious use of a heart locket to the more subtle inclusion of death-defying trains and the layers of meaning behind the bottle of pills), the cohesiveness of the film’s visual components (as when the opening and closing sequences of the movie parallel each other, and when Roy Walker’s two stories share the backdrop of a desert), and a rather stirring score of classical music, and you have a film that was worth the $12.00 admission fee at AMC Theatres on Times Square. Once Devon has seen The Fall, Nicole will push for it to earn the BOTO Pick for Best Movie of 2008.

So… Pedro Martinez has recovered. The beloved pitcher returned to play some baseball with the Mets on Tuesday night. To contain her excitement and drive home for you (if the readership will pardon the horrendous pun) how exciting this game was, Nicole will review the events of the New York Mets-San Francisco Giants matchup in the form of a pros and cons list.

Good Things About the Game:

• The Mets scored eight runs in the fifth inning, which represents the most runs in one inning for the team throughout the season thus far. Pedro Martinez hit an RBI single and Damion Easley scored a three-run double. How can this articulate blogger react, except to say, “Nice” (aside from performing eight consecutive Snoopy dances)?
• With the return of Pedro Martinez, the Mets regained an emotional leader, and Carlos Delgado was beaming throughout the game. Boosting the morale of teammates is important for any team, in any sport, but it’s particularly essential for the Mets, whose members are known for channeling their emotions into their play, as they begin to function as a cohesive team again.
• Carlos Beltran hit an RBI double. This half of BOTO swoons. The room spins.
• Closer Billy Wagner pitched a scoreless ninth inning. Enter Sandman, indeed.

Bad Things About the Game:

• I couldn’t watch it because some yabbos had coopted the television before the game started.

Well, that’s all for tonight’s scintillating coverage of the world at large. Stay tuned for Devon’s last post from Argentina!

UPDATE:  Please note that “later this evening (E.S.T.)” really means “in the wee hours of tomorrow morning, E.S.T.,” as far as BOTO is concerned.